I wish I could teleport
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
