I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
