I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
