i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
