So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
