Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize