I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
