I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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