I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
