We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
