Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
