Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
