We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
