I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
