trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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