I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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