He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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