It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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