I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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