i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
