Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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