i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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