Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
