This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
