Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
