i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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