it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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