Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
