the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
