By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
