Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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