all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
