Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
