I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
