my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
