I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
