he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
