i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Less talking, more tequila
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
