normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize