I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
