i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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