Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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