i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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