just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
