Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
