Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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