discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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