My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
