Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
