i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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