Don't make out with my wife yet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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