can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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