Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
