put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i believe in u and ur pee
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
