this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
