sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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