I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
