no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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