I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize