please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize