it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
