Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
