Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
