made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
