he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize