Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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