After last night, I could never be a politician.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
